A story from our former driver Marcuz Tomas Tordoir
The Hell Of WestRuther
Yeah, I was the victim to drive these brezhnev kids around brittain for their 2002 tour.
Well, actually I couldn’t complain because they had this great rule: the driver always gets the best bed, because he needs to be able to drive the next day…and every night I played guitars on one song (Corporate Deathburger – MDC cover) cause Jevin was too busy killing Ronald McDogshit with these big inflated guns we bought on a fleemarket I can’t remember where…
Anyway, every now and then we actually had a day off between gigs, so one of those days Dogshit had this great idea of staying at some of his vegetarian folks in a small town up in Scotland called Westruther. Glad to have a plan we bought vegetarian food along the way, to cook some stuff for ourselves and the folks in a way of appreciation.
Westruther turned out to be this small rural no-place town with one local pub and a church, some houses and that was it, but at least it was easy to find the right place. So we arrived at the vegetarians place and wanted to come in with our food, only to be stopped by the vegetarians. Why? We asked, we have no meat, only some sauce, pasta, eggs and butter. Turned out they were no vegetarian peoples, they were the more extreme version: vegans…so we weren’t even allowed to bring in the stuff to save it in the fridge, man! What the f*? you have to know this was probably that one day in 10 years the sun actually shined (or is it shone? Shite, whatever..) in Scotland. So the eggs and butter were lost. Things got worse when I went for a crap and when exiting through their backdoor I saw 4 pairs of true leather boots. What the
f*? Hmm, something’s wrong here dudes…vegans with leather boots…so I decided to stay out of the house from that moment. Anyway me, Oeb and Paul really got hungry because we didn’t eat the veggie burgers, and it got late, like 11pm. So we decided to go to the local bar and drink our hunger away.
The bar was only filled with some locals who were probably there all week and just switched bar seats every now and then to make a difference in life, or whatever…anyway, the pub lady was nice, and there was a pool table in the back so it looked like a good place to chill a while. After some beers we asked when they actually closed, and because we didn’treally get a clear answer we agreed that the pub was probably open until whenever everybody left, and since that was probably never, we assumed we were save for a while. Just to see what would happen we asked the lady if they had something to eat, like a snack or something, anything…to our surprise the lady said “wait a sec, rockpeople, let me ask my dad”, and within a minute dad came in and asked us what we wanted…well, whatever, you know, we knew it was late,
so we didn’t expect anything. Dad asked “so ya’want like a sandwich or something with a steak and tomatosauce?”. “Kick ass!” we said (yes, we, because even though Oeb was vegetarian he was powerless to an offer like that, I mean being vegetarian is great and all, but not when you’re hungry…you have to do what you have to do to survive…), and within 5 minutes we were treated with 6 inch sandwiches filled with a no-fuckin-around-true-juicy-and-tomato-sauce-steak!!! Yeah, baby!! We knew then that dad was going to be our greatest friend for the rest of the night. (I wonder if we ever payed for them actually, I didn’t…).
The juicy-blood-and-tomato-steaks made us regain our believe in the true satanic powers of beyond. For Paul and I this must have been the best bloody steak we ever had in our digestion system, and we already felt sad thinking about the moment where we would have to let it go again and give it back to nature. And for the first time in our lives we felt what it must have been like to loose something you love…….Nah fuckers!! I am just messin with yer minds in this story!! Hehhehheh, it was only Paul who had that sentimental moment, hehheh.
Anyway, for Oeb this was a special moment, because these steaks marked a new era in his life: transforming from amateur-vegetarian into an instant meat-eater. After loads of beers, we stumbled back to the vegans, and believe it or not, their house was next to the local graveyard, haha, the nerds…anyway, we didn’t care because we decided this was a sign from below (hell, people..) and we were meant to not go into the vegan house, no, we were meant to find the
biggest gravestones in the yard and lay our souls to rest at least for the next 2 hours until morning.
So we gathered sleeping bags and the ghettoblaster with Venom in it, and found some good stones…after some Venom anthems Jevin suddenly showed up freaking out, because in his attempt to enter the vegan house, he accidentally went into the sleeping room of the vegan peoples, and so he got attacked by the male vegan, screaming about principles and time of day (night) and stuff…anyway, Jevin escaped the vegan and hid in the graveyard only to stumble on our Venom night.
After some hours I woke up and decided to go sleep in the tourbus for another hour…when I was just asleep, loud banging on the backdoor woke me up again, and when I quickly looked in the backmirror I saw the male vegan getting in a car and speeding away without a word…
Turned out the vegans actually had two cars…
The moral in the end?
*never have days off on tour.
*never trust the singer for ideas.
*if you do decide to go for it, be prepared for the unexpected.
*never loose faith in meat-peoples.
Later Fuckers,
Ultimate Morcozz
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